"You really want in, eh?" asks St. Peter.

"Yes, Sir," you say piously.

St. Peter gets a conspiratory grin on his face and motions you closer to the gate. "Come closer," he says. "I have something to tell you."

You approach the gate and lean in close, awaiting his saintly words of wisdom.

St. Peter grabs you by the nape of your neck and slams your head into the gate repeatedly.

"You can't come in 'cause you were a bad, BAD person!" he screams in your ear.

You clutch your head in pain as the beating ends. Suddenly, the ground opens up beneath you and you are sent straight to Hell to burn for eternity.