Oh man this is bad. This is SO bad…
Unable to resist the sexual wiles of your cousin you head into the barn, you know damn well what’s going to happen.
Soon…
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN’ ON IN HERE!?!?” a voice shouts. Its Clem’s wife Bertha, all 400 pounds of her. You immediately attempt to explain yourself, Suzy would probably do like wise if her mouth wasn’t full at the moment.
“Its not what it looks like! I was just…I…” actually you can’t think of a good excuse.
“Bertha I heard you yellin’ an…oh sweet Jesus, Mel!” Clem says walking in.
“Look Clem, I…uh…”
Strangely during this family reunion, Suzy is still focused on her job at hand. She’s focused you’ll give her that. “UGGGH YEAH!” you shout.
“Dammit Mel, why’d you do that for? Now yer gonna have to marry her.”
“What?! Suzy stop it! Clem what the hell are you sayin?” you say in an attempt to assess this new turn of events.
“Well you deposited your seed into her, she’s yourn’ now son! We’ll have a big weddin! We’ll have a hoot nanny, a hoe down, an’ everything!” Clem says enthusiastically
“Clem! I’m not havin’ him marryin’ our daughter! He can’t provide for her! He’s a shiftless bum!”
“Ah come on Bertha, he’ll work here on the farm. Sure he might be citified, but he’s kinfolk! He’ll get used to the work! You’ll feel differently about him when all those baby’s come poppin’ out of Suzy here!”
You look back over and see Suzy look at you smiling lovingly at you. This is NOT happening!
“Clem, I’m not marrying Suzy! I mean…I mean I didn’t even fuck her! She just gave me fuckin’ head!”
“Oh no, you ain’t gettin’ away on one of those there techno-calities boy! You stuck your meat in her, now ya gotta do the right thing an’ make her an honest woman!”
“Honest woman? You’re jokin’ right?”
Suzy begins to get hurt by your remarks and runs over to cry and hug her Dad.
“Dammit Mel, look watcha did! You got my baby girl all upset! This ain’t a choice, yer gonna marry her, lessen I put foot in yer ass! Now what’s in gonna be Mel, peaceful weddin’ or shotgun weddin’?“
“Well Clem, it’s like this…FUCK YOU!” you say and run forward tackling him and Suzy to the ground. Bertha sees this and tries to stop you by attempting to “dog pile” on you. Fortunately you roll out of the way, and Bertha lands on top of Suzy and Clem both of which begin to gasp for breath. You make it to your truck and escape.
You spend the rest of the day in your trailer checking and cleaning your shotgun and pistol, just in case Clem comes looking for you. Tina comes home.
“Aw shit, the guns are out and you’re not drunk. Who the fuck did you piss off this time?”
“Nevermind Tina, it’s a family thing.” You say.
Unable to resist the sexual wiles of your cousin you head into the barn, you know damn well what’s going to happen.
Soon…
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN’ ON IN HERE!?!?” a voice shouts. Its Clem’s wife Bertha, all 400 pounds of her. You immediately attempt to explain yourself, Suzy would probably do like wise if her mouth wasn’t full at the moment.
“Its not what it looks like! I was just…I…” actually you can’t think of a good excuse.
“Bertha I heard you yellin’ an…oh sweet Jesus, Mel!” Clem says walking in.
“Look Clem, I…uh…”
Strangely during this family reunion, Suzy is still focused on her job at hand. She’s focused you’ll give her that. “UGGGH YEAH!” you shout.
“Dammit Mel, why’d you do that for? Now yer gonna have to marry her.”
“What?! Suzy stop it! Clem what the hell are you sayin?” you say in an attempt to assess this new turn of events.
“Well you deposited your seed into her, she’s yourn’ now son! We’ll have a big weddin! We’ll have a hoot nanny, a hoe down, an’ everything!” Clem says enthusiastically
“Clem! I’m not havin’ him marryin’ our daughter! He can’t provide for her! He’s a shiftless bum!”
“Ah come on Bertha, he’ll work here on the farm. Sure he might be citified, but he’s kinfolk! He’ll get used to the work! You’ll feel differently about him when all those baby’s come poppin’ out of Suzy here!”
You look back over and see Suzy look at you smiling lovingly at you. This is NOT happening!
“Clem, I’m not marrying Suzy! I mean…I mean I didn’t even fuck her! She just gave me fuckin’ head!”
“Oh no, you ain’t gettin’ away on one of those there techno-calities boy! You stuck your meat in her, now ya gotta do the right thing an’ make her an honest woman!”
“Honest woman? You’re jokin’ right?”
Suzy begins to get hurt by your remarks and runs over to cry and hug her Dad.
“Dammit Mel, look watcha did! You got my baby girl all upset! This ain’t a choice, yer gonna marry her, lessen I put foot in yer ass! Now what’s in gonna be Mel, peaceful weddin’ or shotgun weddin’?“
“Well Clem, it’s like this…FUCK YOU!” you say and run forward tackling him and Suzy to the ground. Bertha sees this and tries to stop you by attempting to “dog pile” on you. Fortunately you roll out of the way, and Bertha lands on top of Suzy and Clem both of which begin to gasp for breath. You make it to your truck and escape.
You spend the rest of the day in your trailer checking and cleaning your shotgun and pistol, just in case Clem comes looking for you. Tina comes home.
“Aw shit, the guns are out and you’re not drunk. Who the fuck did you piss off this time?”
“Nevermind Tina, it’s a family thing.” You say.
- ID: 23493
- Nickname: gotobarn
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