Maybe you’re getting a little soft in your old age, but you can somewhat sympathize with Andre, he’s in an even worse situation than you. He’s been stricken by bad luck more than you have. Helping him could be financially beneficial, plus if Andre had a home, he wouldn’t be constantly bothering you for money every time you walked into town.
“Alright Andre I’ll help, just stand back and get your fucking disease ridden hands off of me! And don’t touch me again!”
“Okay, I can do that. Thanks Wolf! I swear I won’t forget this!”
“Yeah, yeah, now what do you want me to do?”
“I need you to deliver this letter to her; it’s a poem about how I feel about her and how I’ve always felt about her. I know if she just read this she’d give me a chance!”
You take the crumpled letter which reeks of Andre’s overall foulness, but you still have more questions.
“Andre I know you’ve always wanted to do some buggery on Janice, but I hardly see how this is going to change how she feels and why the hell can’t you do this?”
“Because every time I even try to get NEAR her mansion she has her guards chase me off! Its like when I try to sneak in anywhere people can somehow sense I’m coming!”
“Andre, did it ever occur to you to that your fucking ODOR is the reason?”
“Odor? What odor?” Andre asks like it’s the first time anyone’s ever suggested that to him that before. “Look I know in my heart that if she read my words, she’d fall for me, just like I know you’ll be able to get in and give her that letter!”
“This is starting to sound like a lot of effort for possibly no reward…”
“Arrrgh! Look when you get in there, you could always just rip something valuable off! Just please, you gotta give her that letter!”
You look at the love letter (which has remarkable penmanship) and shake your head. Looks like you’re on a bug hunt.
“Alright Andre you’re lucky her mansion isn’t far and I’m not busy right now. I just turned down an offer to live on an island paradise for the rest of my life in exchange for getting rid some Martians.”
“What, you mean Moreau’s offer? He offered me a similar deal, but then quickly retracted it for some reason. But Wolf I know you wouldn’t have wanted to help some hippy freaks you don’t even know! But this is different! In this case you’re helping out an old friend gain true love!”
“Okay listen up, I’m not, nor will I ever be your friend. I’m doing this for my own reasons. When I return, meet me back here at this bar.”
You turn and eagerly leave Andre to go back to your cabin. You don’t normally like to wash, but in this case you definitely feel the need to! After thoroughly scrubbing down, you take your Harley and drive over to Janice’s mansion which is just a couple of counties away. It doesn’t take you long to get there.
You haven’t really seen this place except once a long time ago and it looked like a regular mansion, now the place looks like a concentration compound; there is a big metal gate and barbed wire lined walls surrounding the mansion. The mansion itself looks like some half weird insect hive, half man made structure. As soon as you park near the gate you’re approached by some figures marching in unison like soldiers. They’re like big ants or at least they look like THEM. Something weird is going on.
“You! Inferior hairy mammal! What business do you have here at the Hive?!” one of the ant guards asks clicking his mandibles angrily.
“I’m supposed to deliver a letter to Janice.”
“Watch you tongue, dog! You mean the Supreme Hive Queen! And she does not see inferiors such as you! Be gone, you impotent mangy mutt!”
Well you’re used to people not liking you, but hearing it from a giant bug is still pretty insulting.
“Alright Andre I’ll help, just stand back and get your fucking disease ridden hands off of me! And don’t touch me again!”
“Okay, I can do that. Thanks Wolf! I swear I won’t forget this!”
“Yeah, yeah, now what do you want me to do?”
“I need you to deliver this letter to her; it’s a poem about how I feel about her and how I’ve always felt about her. I know if she just read this she’d give me a chance!”
You take the crumpled letter which reeks of Andre’s overall foulness, but you still have more questions.
“Andre I know you’ve always wanted to do some buggery on Janice, but I hardly see how this is going to change how she feels and why the hell can’t you do this?”
“Because every time I even try to get NEAR her mansion she has her guards chase me off! Its like when I try to sneak in anywhere people can somehow sense I’m coming!”
“Andre, did it ever occur to you to that your fucking ODOR is the reason?”
“Odor? What odor?” Andre asks like it’s the first time anyone’s ever suggested that to him that before. “Look I know in my heart that if she read my words, she’d fall for me, just like I know you’ll be able to get in and give her that letter!”
“This is starting to sound like a lot of effort for possibly no reward…”
“Arrrgh! Look when you get in there, you could always just rip something valuable off! Just please, you gotta give her that letter!”
You look at the love letter (which has remarkable penmanship) and shake your head. Looks like you’re on a bug hunt.
“Alright Andre you’re lucky her mansion isn’t far and I’m not busy right now. I just turned down an offer to live on an island paradise for the rest of my life in exchange for getting rid some Martians.”
“What, you mean Moreau’s offer? He offered me a similar deal, but then quickly retracted it for some reason. But Wolf I know you wouldn’t have wanted to help some hippy freaks you don’t even know! But this is different! In this case you’re helping out an old friend gain true love!”
“Okay listen up, I’m not, nor will I ever be your friend. I’m doing this for my own reasons. When I return, meet me back here at this bar.”
You turn and eagerly leave Andre to go back to your cabin. You don’t normally like to wash, but in this case you definitely feel the need to! After thoroughly scrubbing down, you take your Harley and drive over to Janice’s mansion which is just a couple of counties away. It doesn’t take you long to get there.
You haven’t really seen this place except once a long time ago and it looked like a regular mansion, now the place looks like a concentration compound; there is a big metal gate and barbed wire lined walls surrounding the mansion. The mansion itself looks like some half weird insect hive, half man made structure. As soon as you park near the gate you’re approached by some figures marching in unison like soldiers. They’re like big ants or at least they look like THEM. Something weird is going on.
“You! Inferior hairy mammal! What business do you have here at the Hive?!” one of the ant guards asks clicking his mandibles angrily.
“I’m supposed to deliver a letter to Janice.”
“Watch you tongue, dog! You mean the Supreme Hive Queen! And she does not see inferiors such as you! Be gone, you impotent mangy mutt!”
Well you’re used to people not liking you, but hearing it from a giant bug is still pretty insulting.
- ID: 32048
- Nickname: helpandre
- Hits: 123
