Drugs are for losers! You saw that movie, about that guy, who had a lot of heart or something! And you saw that other movie about that other guy, who had a lot of heart or something! In fact you’ve seen A LOT of movies about “that guy, who had a lot of heart or something” you can’t remember any of their names, but if they can all do it, you certainly can!

You turn down the drugs and start training a lot harder and trying to focus on the prize. You get that fuckin’ eye of the goddamn tiger! Yeah! Ain’t nothing going to stop you! You’re gonna get on the team, become popular, and date the head cheerleader because if there’s anything you’ve learned from movies it’s that NOTHING can triumph over the human spirit!

Though the better thing to have learned would’ve been that real life ain’t a fucking movie!

The next time you go to tryouts you’re so fucking cocksure that you end up not protecting yourself as much as you sure and when you get hit hard by one of your team mates you get SERIOUSLY injured.

Like really bad.

No, seriously, you get really fucked up…A LOT.

In fact you’re a damn vegetable.

Of course you don’t stay that way for long, as your parents aren’t religious and as such don’t feel your life is worth anything to them anymore so they authorize the doctors to pull the plug. Its kindest thing they’ve ever done for you.

The moral of the story?

Don’t try out for a team that you have no business trying out for in some inane quest to be popular. All the “heart” in the world doesn’t mean shit when you got a 400 pound asshole slamming into you with the power of a small bull elephant and your own body frame is more like that of a half starved pigmy marmoset!

Now the chess club? Yeah, maybe that’s not gonna get you the head cheerleader, but you probably could’ve at least gotten to third base with the asthmatic girl who drools when you kiss her!

And now you know!