Yeah! You’re going to teach all those assholes a lesson! You know how much they all talk about you behind your back! Well that’s going to stop soon! Forever!

You and your crew of outcast sociopaths begin your plan. You map out the entire school and where the exit points are, the best time of day to start, the most populated areas, etc.

The DAY soon arrives and you go over to Anthony’s house instead of going to school that morning. The gang’s all there ready to creative major mayhem, and you’re ready to join them. As you take the sub-machine gun, you’re wondering where Anthony’s parents are.

“They’re lying upstairs in bed with their heads blown off, where do you think?” he remarks.

You all pile into the car with enough weaponry and ammo to take out a small army and drive to the school. You ain’t going out like those Columbine losers. You got shit more planned out than they did. You definitely have plans to escape afterwards. You can live on the run, and when you get to Mexico, you’ll be home free!

Of course all your “grand plans” go to shit when you actually get there. Not that you really had things as organized like you delusionally believed anyway.

First of all, one your buddies is so hot on killing people, he starts blasting folks as soon as he gets out of the car, meaning he ruins your advantage and now you have to go around trying to chase people down to kill them. Most of the people you REALLY wanted to kill escape and you have to settle for innocents…well nobody’s innocent in your deranged eyes, but they didn’t actually do anything to you, so some of the joy is lost.

Second of all, your other buddy who thought he was a bomb expert must’ve read the instructions wrong on the “Freedom Fighters against Zionism” website he was studying. The moment he attempts to light up one of these home made bombs he blows up his fucking arm and half of his face. He doesn’t even have time to scream out in pain before his half fried body hits the ground in a bloody mess. Still it was pretty cool though!

Finally it’s just you and Anthony mowing down some of the Special Ed kids since they were too idiotic to escape in time and just panicked by running around in a circle. By this time the police have arrived and killed all your other friends, and you end up killing Anthony since you figure anyone who would kill retards is not to be trusted.

You briefly entertain the idea of killing yourself, since it’s a pretty hopeless situation you’re in. But you remember a scene from a movie where the guy shot it out with the cops and took out a shitload of them before he died and how cool that was, so you decide to do that instead.

The moment you come out of the school, a SWAT member snipes you in the head from a nearby building.

The moral of the story?

Yeah, being creepy and talking like a psychopath can be fun, but when you start believing your own hype you’re just being a fucktard. Seriously, what were you going to gain from killing a bunch of worthless jocks and cheerleaders? Life on the run? Being a gay porno star in Mexico to help support yourself? Yeah right, you can’t even sleep without a nightlight on! You couldn’t even do the mass killing right anyway, since you missed most of your primary targets. They’ll all go on with their lives and probably make money from the ordeal due to exploiting public sympathies and you’ll be worm food.

But you REALLY showed them all didn’t you?

And now you know!