Tales From The Basement by EndMaster R

Well you didn’t get to be a basement dweller by being adventurous so you read the instructions first. Good thing too, there’ a bunch of safety precautions to the car. Namely due to the extremely high levels of asbestos in the car, going in it without a hazmat suit would be fatal. Fortunately you just happen to have one. Unfortunately you only have one, which means that any lady that’s remotely impressed by it won’t be able to get in the thing without dying shortly thereafter. So unless you plan on becoming a necrophiliac, you have to come up with a new plan. (Though becoming a necrophiliac is plan B)

As you’re suiting up, you think about how you’re going to impress possible ladies with the car, without actually letting them get in it. You got it! A stunt! Chicks like daredevils right?

You got a bunch of compost in the backyard, A LOT. You get the idea to take that compost and put it in the middle of the street, set it on fire and then drive through it!

Enthusiastically you start grabbing compost and going through with your plan. It probably would’ve been a better idea to at least use a fuckin’ SHOVEL on the compost instead of picking it up with your fuckin’ hands you silly motherfucker. Oh well at least you’re wearing a hazmat suit

Anyway you smell REALLY awful and you’ve just made the entire block smell that way too, when you light it on fire. This act has finally come to the attention of all the neighbors who are giving you holy hell about it.

“Jesus fucking Christ! It smells like a dead bum who just sprayed diarrhea on himself during a heat wave!” one of them shouts.

An angry mob is starting to form…