Well I guess we all shouldn’t be surprised that it would end like this.

In the traditional of overly dramatic An Heros you decide to make a suicide note first. If you still had the internet you would’ve really been able to take advantage of this momentous occasion, but ever since you gave up anime you lost that perk.

Anyway since you don’t really have any friends or even any relatives that like you, you just write about how you can’t go on due to your sick obsession with Patricia and then life isn’t worth living, it sucks, blah blah blah…

After writing your emo faggotry, you now decide on how to kill yourself. Unfortunately your mom carries her gun on her at all times so you can’t shoot yourself and you’re probably too much of a fucking sissy to go out V-Tech style anyway.

You try hanging, but your inept ass can’t tie a proper knot. Eventually you give up.

You head to the bathroom to find some pills, but your mom hasn’t refilled her prescriptions lately. You just swallow what’s left in the medicine cabinet, only to throw it all up five minutes later.

Undeterred in your quest to pwn yourself, you grab your mom’s razor blades and slit your fucking wrists open (Down the road not across the street of course) at last accomplishing something worthwhile in your miserable life.

You begin to bleed out; surprisingly you don’t even change your mind and try to desperately call 911. You just think about how you wasted your life in your mom’s basement jerking off to anime and how if you hadn’t tried to stop you probably wouldn’t be in this situation now. You would’ve been content on living the life of a basement dweller not knowing any better. Gotta love the irony eh?

Eventually you die and leave a bloody mess for your mom to clean up when she gets home. You aren’t really missed, and your letter was so drenched in blood that it was illegible, so nobody really knows why you killed yourself if anybody cared in the first place.

In other words you’re not even amusing enough to be An Hero, you fail at life AND death!