The error that DEP noticed has been corrected, and I may now have the delusion that it never existed in the first place.
Actually...this story was made up very late in the morning because I was in a rather odd mood. In fact, the entire idea of the story is based off of <A href="http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_321.php">this</A>. It's supposed to be random. I just wanted to <I>start</I> something, y'know? It's more of a practice story...even though I do like it a lot.
Comment on the amount of people who add to stories duely noted. I shall have to come back to this every now and then when I'm in that random sort of mood.
Chubby...the Pink Floyd was frikkin' awesome.
says:
Apr 5, 2006 11:08 PM
It's amazing for a first story.
Your description was almost effortlessly perfect, and your storytelling skills showed throughout.
The only things I didn't much care for were:
1.)The plot itself (I'm not saying the plot was <i>bad</i> since it's mainly a matter of opinion... the God's tea party just didn't catch my eye).
2.) The narrarative intervention (I do this in my stories sometimes too, but something about it didn't flow well with me in this story. This is also pretty much a matter of opinion and so, I really have nothing to criticize).
I'm not going to rate the story yet because only 6 rooms are done, and I'd like to get a more accurate idea of what I'm really looking at here.
*Extra Note*
I know you said you had hoped a lot of people would add to this story. Unfortunately, all can say is that I hope you don't expect to much. When the site first came out, adding to stories was very common, but nowadays we just tend to write our own thing and leave it be. I'll try to add a room or two, once I finish Chapter 1 of my novel. Good luck with this story.
says:
Apr 5, 2006 9:15 PM
I hope the framework is broad enough to have a few different plotlines running along the same premise. Because that's the intent. Gimme feedback, and then start adding on to the story, yah?
The error that DEP noticed has been corrected, and I may now have the delusion that it never existed in the first place.
Actually...this story was made up very late in the morning because I was in a rather odd mood. In fact, the entire idea of the story is based off of <A href="http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_321.php">this</A>. It's supposed to be random. I just wanted to <I>start</I> something, y'know? It's more of a practice story...even though I do like it a lot.
Comment on the amount of people who add to stories duely noted. I shall have to come back to this every now and then when I'm in that random sort of mood.
Chubby...the Pink Floyd was frikkin' awesome.
Your description was almost effortlessly perfect, and your storytelling skills showed throughout.
The only things I didn't much care for were:
1.)The plot itself (I'm not saying the plot was <i>bad</i> since it's mainly a matter of opinion... the God's tea party just didn't catch my eye).
2.) The narrarative intervention (I do this in my stories sometimes too, but something about it didn't flow well with me in this story. This is also pretty much a matter of opinion and so, I really have nothing to criticize).
I'm not going to rate the story yet because only 6 rooms are done, and I'd like to get a more accurate idea of what I'm really looking at here.
*Extra Note*
I know you said you had hoped a lot of people would add to this story. Unfortunately, all can say is that I hope you don't expect to much. When the site first came out, adding to stories was very common, but nowadays we just tend to write our own thing and leave it be. I'll try to add a room or two, once I finish Chapter 1 of my novel. Good luck with this story.