You are sitting on the toilet, reading the latest issue of Blahsmo magazine while absentmindedly humming the melody to “I’m a Little Teapot”. You have just completed that oh-so-satisfying early-morning pee that leaves you feeling light and airy. Plus, Blahsmo has just let you in on the Seven Secrets of the Male Psyche. This shit is truly amazing! You never knew that men secretly want you to be like their mother. Like, eeewwwww!! To be like Garrett’s mom, you would totally have to gain five hundred pounds, pack on another twenty pounds in makeup just to cover up all your warts, and start farting in public.
Your butt is beginning to get numb, so you drop Blahsmo on the floor and reach for the toilet paper. You unroll probably a little more than you need and wipe yourself carefully from front to back, since Blahsmo told you that doing it the other way could give you nasty infections you-know-where. Upon routine inspection of your used toilet paper, you notice a little spot of pink in the middle, bordered by just a little bit of light brown. Dammit! Aunt Flo wasn’t supposed to come for another week. This isn’t going to make Garrett very happy. Still sitting on the toilet, you reach around toward the cabinet and open the door. No tampons anywhere to be found! This means you’ll have to make a dash for it and grab some from your room.
Pulling up your designer jeans just enough to allow you to move, you carefully open the door and call out into the hallway, “Is anybody here?” The hallway is quiet, so you make a quick dash for it, the cool air raising the little fuzzies on your bare butt as you run into your room. The box of tampons is sitting right there on your desk next to your pink cell phone. As though on cue, the phone starts ringing to the tune of “I’m a Little Teapot”. So THAT’S why that song has been stuck in your head all day!
Your butt is beginning to get numb, so you drop Blahsmo on the floor and reach for the toilet paper. You unroll probably a little more than you need and wipe yourself carefully from front to back, since Blahsmo told you that doing it the other way could give you nasty infections you-know-where. Upon routine inspection of your used toilet paper, you notice a little spot of pink in the middle, bordered by just a little bit of light brown. Dammit! Aunt Flo wasn’t supposed to come for another week. This isn’t going to make Garrett very happy. Still sitting on the toilet, you reach around toward the cabinet and open the door. No tampons anywhere to be found! This means you’ll have to make a dash for it and grab some from your room.
Pulling up your designer jeans just enough to allow you to move, you carefully open the door and call out into the hallway, “Is anybody here?” The hallway is quiet, so you make a quick dash for it, the cool air raising the little fuzzies on your bare butt as you run into your room. The box of tampons is sitting right there on your desk next to your pink cell phone. As though on cue, the phone starts ringing to the tune of “I’m a Little Teapot”. So THAT’S why that song has been stuck in your head all day!
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